Last Post!

Yep, this is it, no more posting on Blogger. If you like my blog, it is all (including all entries from here) on Wordpress Here

Hope to see you there! www.wordsonthebottom.wordpress.com

Meeting Kylie

G'day...Mr Wordsmith? Is this the BBC?

Good morning Dear Readers. I've often noticed that whenever anybody famous is discussed in our little community, much of the focus seems to be just how much they need a good spanking. Now in my view this is rather a negative view of the world, and I'd like to put that right. I'm honoured to say that someone I've long admired has agreed to answer a few questions, yes it's the diminutive Aussie pocket-rocket, Kylie Minogue!

"Miss Minogue, can I call you Kylie?"

"Um, has my driver left yet? Where's Jonathan Ross? Pyjies are beaut. Call me anything except Danny Ha Ha!"

"Wow, Dear Readers, I can't tell you how amazing this is, to actually see her in the flesh and hear her talk. She is tiny!! But perfectly formed I must say"

"Holy-dooly mate, I'm still here you know. Bring on the turps and twisties!"

"Ha Ha, no idea what that meant, but it sounded really cute!! Let's kick off, might help if you stick to English a bit more.  Oh, and you won't get a signal on your mobile here"

"No worries...looks like a shonky tee-up, but let's do it -  no bizzo, right?"

"Of course not, just give me one of those lovely smiles again if I'm "bizzoing", give me a bit of a clue. Can I start with something which I know will interest our audience..."

Yes, it's those shorts! Phew

"Just filling in a bit here whilst Kylie is thinking of something to say, must be a bit jet-lagged. Blimey Dear Reader, I can tell you there is nothing sexier than the Queen of Pop giving you a stern steely look; lovely sensitive face and fantastic eyes. Wow, she smiled again! I'm totally wedged under this table now. Kylie, I don't suppose you brought along any shorts with you this trip?"

"I forgot to ask what I should call you, Mr Wordsmith, a few thoughts have come to mind"

"Ha ha, she's witty as well. I hope. Just Wordsmith is fine, or Sir to keep it short (wish you were here Dear Reader, that enigmatic super starness just oozes from every pore! Eat your heart out Danny, I'm leaking a bit myself)"

"You're not interested in my music or performances, are you, Sir Drongo"

"Hmmm, she doesn't seem fazed by my hard-but-fair questioning Dear Reader. I've looked up Drongo, it's not good, but she is still smiling. Kylie, I have to admit I am a bit hurt by your cavalier assumption. In fact I have a re-enactment of one of your routines lined up, and very much hope you will join in!"

"Dinky-Di!"

What happens now Wordsmith?

"Oh I think you'll enjoy it, I know I will. Just bring those shorts next time"

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Impudent

Let's see if a well spanked bottom changes your tune Missy!

This must be what they call “going commando” – no sign of any undergarments. Disgraceful really, and backchat is definitely a further sign of deteriorating moral fibre…to the rescue!

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Temptation

Just stop grinning Missy - you're getting spanked!

Well it isn't Lent or anything, is it?  As my regular Readers will guess, it wouldn't make much difference anyway; I can't resist a cheerleader. It's just something about the costume and general cheeky bounciness of the species which suggests a good spanking is needed. And for some reason they usually seem to agree that it is, rather surprising given those loose skirts tend to show the results to all and sundry as they flip about on the field. I have this ultimate vision of a cheerleader who is wearing something from Victoria Secret's underneath, but this must be a rare species indeed, if it exists at all. Probably just as well, as there would be more dribbling in the stands than on the field of play.

I wonder how much of the costume can be removed before the magic is completely nullified? This is tricky, as my experience is that some slow removals can actually enhance the dangerous effects. Common sense suggests there must be a critical mass below which a chap is safe. I've got a nasty feeling my palm would still be itching even when she was down just to her white socks - imagination stubbornly adding the rest. Just need a few volunteers to help with the experimentation - perhaps a hundred would be statistically significant. Bring your own outfit (I can get you a discount at VS as well, if it needs "updating"). Oh, and don't worry if there a few "observers" to the trials - was a condition of the research funding. Nice of the bureaucrats to take an interest for once, never happened with the nematodes.

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Agent Provocateur

...not a bad spanking position, lady. Just get those pants down as well

When a Honey Trap goes wrong, who should take the rap? It seems the lady involved is keen not to involve the police – and has had to accept another fate. Nice ear-rings, maybe he’ll buy her dinner after tanning her charming rear – rather hot watching your beautiful, elegant date squirm a bit in her chair.  It’s even hotter later when she offers the bait anyway, squirming ecstatically as her position becomes very tight indeed…well if you must live dangerously!

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Spankaboo

I spy with my little eye...a Top!

Sigh...this is what you get from being too lenient! Effective camouflage though, I feel distinctly dizzy with all those spots. Love "The Scream" pumps - very appropriate ;-)


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Team Talk

I'm on a break Boss, OK?

It can be hard to get my co-workers to pull their weight sometimes. I wonder if they realise that much of the Western World relies on us getting these posts out on time - the adrenalin rush as a last minute spankograph has to be dispatched to a deprived spankologist, expiring somewhere in a pure vanilla environment. You wouldn't believe the things these girls get up to...

Can you pat your head and rub your tummy like me?

To be honest, it can get a little distracting. Still, I do my best to keep us focused...

Seems it's time for my break, Missy!

...on the bottom line!

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Exit to Wordpress!

C'mon Wordsmith...move to Wordpress!

Well that has just has tipped me over the top...Blogger seems to be in melt-down at the moment, so I have packed my bag!

New blog address is Words on the Bottom, many apologies for all the inconveniences this causes...I'm fully expecting to lose both my readers.

Will just keep this going until traffic has switched over...

Victoria's Secrets

Surely you wouldn't smack my pretty bottom!

Now a few people have commented that I seem to have a "thing" about Victoria's Secrets. I would just like to make it clear that, despite the rumours, I do not own that worthy establishment. Looking back, I am getting a bit concerned that VS is appearing more and more in my posts, but put it down to all that hanging around in the shop I do, purely for research purposes.

It is true that there have been a few misunderstandings with them, particularly when I asked if they would like a resident "assistant" in the fitting room, just to check whether things looked right and carry out a few..."tests", but I have to say they were very polite as they helped me out of the shop (I was feeling faint by then). They were so concerned for my health that they suggested I might like to stay out of the shop in the future, but as you know, I am a dedicated researcher.

Just a few more swats Miss, it's looking good!

Anyway, it is clear from my postbag that many of you would like to benefit from the results of my research, so I thought I would answer some of the common questions:

• "Is it really true that men like spanking a girl in garters? " Thank you spankmeubeast, I am often asked this. Personally I never wear garters when spanking anyone; it's distracting for all concerned. A few people I know have had this tendency, but usually they soon lose all interest in spanking and move on to the rest of women's clothing. 

• "Does colour affect how hard the seat of your knickers get smacked? " Well this is an interesting question, and unusually open to scientific measurement and analysis - a researcher's job beckons spankthenerd! We just need to convince VS to build in the necessary monitoring circuitry. My absolutely serious view is that it does, and that the nobbly chippy monitoring bits in the seat of your knickers are going to make it hurt like hell. Of course, to get accurate measurements no knickers must be taken down...tut, what a stupid question after all. Come here, young lady, you can judge for yourself!

Yes...the colour says  "smack me hard  "

• "Do skimpy or frilly knickers work best? " Frills can be a bit tricky, spankthepantsoffme, as it can be hard to get the firm stinging contact needed. In your case it doesn't appear to be much of a problem either way. With frills you probably get more initial admiring comments mixed in with the usual mindless admonitions but also an acceleration of the tantalising and-now-your-pants-are-coming-down moment. Skimpies can look pretty for longer (as they stay up for longer), as long as their colour doesn't clash with scarlet (ha ha ha! see, I do have a sense of humour).

Attractive, will look lovely otk, still a good bare-bottom hand-spanking possible

• "Some lingerie can be complicated, does that put spankers off? "  Yes I've noticed that there are some rather arousing..."constructions" for want of a better word - with lots of suspenders, gussets and stuff that no sensible man could possibly know the name of and yet still drool slightly. I'm guessing that your question, spankedbutnotsorry, is to do with not being able to get full access to the sensitive surfaces. Well, I don't think you need worry: there are few more enjoyable moments in a chap's life than when he is slowing removing undergarments whilst the girl is biting her lip in anticipation. Of course if it turns into Sudoku or anyone falls asleep, then you need to rethink your wardrobe. Personally I keep a pair of scissors handy as a last resort.

Good design - architecture designed to create stiffness but clear contact surfaces

• "No girl should be spanked when she has lovely knickers on!   "  Is that a question, baremybottomnow?

"No Sir, sometimes a girl just needs a good spanking!  "

That’s good.Get over here.

W&K - Located?

For once...I did take this picture!

Breaking news, Dear Reader, according to the German press William & Kate are on Honeymoon on a certain little private island in the Seychelles...and yes, you guessed it - we were there scuba diving a few weeks ago! My wife is thrilled to think of them tootling around our little home from home, hope they don't find any toenail clippings. Our contacts are amazingly discrete, so we will get nothing from them...yet ;-)

Of course it may be just a rumour to put off the paparazzi, but actually it would be the perfect spot for them to get privacy, so it may well be true. You heard it here first.

And I didn't mention Pippa's bottom once - see just how discrete I can be?

Hope Kate's bottom is in the firing line at the moment!

Hmmm, wonder if you get spanking rights for your sister-in-law as well, if you're a Duke? I would certainly check it out if I were William. Must be a little known paragraph somewhere...